I get to be a teacher

Tomorrow I get to meet my new students, and I am bursting with excitement!

I am always amazed at how quickly a student can become a teacher or a friend. How I will look back on this day- 60, 120 days from now and try to remember the young adults I was getting to know in August.

The bright stars and the wallflowers.

The Johnny’s and Susie’s that have just been pictures in a file.

Anxious and full of dreams. Ready to fly, after the tears and tantrums. I get paid to spark a passion in them, cheer them to the finish line and give first aid when the path gets rocky. God has blessed me abundantly.

I get to teach and I thank you for trusting me with your pride and joy for that privilege. I will not take it lightly.

Have a great 17-18 school year!! 📚👩‍🏫🍎

Student support system

I just read an article on npr about students who live in poverty and the negative impact prolonged breaks have on them. The point of the article is to help teachers see the need, and be the support these kids hunger for as they transition back to the structure of school. 

Funny thing is I just had this conversation with one of my colleagues that I carpool with, she was expressing frustration at a certain students sudden negative change in behavior. I suggested that she reach out to the family to see if everything was okay and explained that I often see increases in negative behavior right before and after a break. She seemed enlightened and expressed that she would make that call to see what she could do to help. 

You see many of my students live in poverty and the many social ills that go along with it, as a double whammy they also have learning disabilities. This could be as minor as ADHD or high functioning autism to more severe blind or hard of hearing disabilities or emotional disturbance. Issues that have often held them back from experiencing a normal childhood, feeling confident in themselves and their academic abilities. They desperately need support and to feel valued. Home is not always that place for them.  School time means they get reprieve from that turmoil. They have some friends and staff that really care about them and make them feel loved. They are guaranteed at least one meal. This is all they have sometimes.  

During break this all goes away, and many students act out in response to the stressors they might experience with out the support system they have found in school. 

If you’re a teacher, try to remember this as you struggle with certain students behavior. Get to know your students, their home life might be difficult and a small word of encouragement can go a long way to fix issues in the classroom. 

If you’re a parent, I hope you know that there is support for you. Moral support from many of the staff your student interacts with; seek it out. Other social services that can help you with needs that feel overwhelming. Counseling. Guidance on short term financial support. Whatever you need, staff at schools should know where to direct you. We teachers love your children and do our best to support them, but it helps if you tell us what they are dealing with at home. 

As I prepare myself to head back to work after a three week break I’m nervously anticipating behavior problems. Is it hard for me? Yes. But I  will handle it with the utmost compassion and patience as I re-establish rules and procedures and reconfirm my desire to support all of my students; relationally and academically.

Thank you for allowing me to teach your children, they are the best and I’m looking forward to seeing them again in a few days.  I will be kind and firm, and they will be themselves again in no time.  

 

Humbly boasting

I’ve always known that I am a good parent.  It has been my highest calling and my honor to raise my girls. It is a hard and often thankless job, but one I have taken pride in accomplishing with such success. 

Being a single parent is different. Some would say that I have always been a single parent. That is partially true, but doing this thing called raising kids, really truly on my own, has been a little difficult and very interesting. 

I never gave much thought to how others are doing this all too common situation. I try not to compare myself to others but, I often criticize myself and feel more than inadequate because the weight of this job. My viewpoint is now changing thanks to a special person in my life. 

I’m actually amazing at this single mother thing. I have been successful at it, despite what I’ve felt the past few years. 

My kids have a roof over their head, a pretty decent one actually and that is because I am a good single mother. 

My girls have everything they need and many things they want, because I’m an amazing single mother. 

My daughters have worked through much of the pain and heartache of the divorce and damage of our marriage, with my help and the help of professionals. I’ve worked through this with them because I’m a great single mother.

Has it been easy? Not at all, but nothing worthwhile ever is easy. 

I think a big reason I did not see my successes is that I was too busy just doing it. But as I reflect on the past year and prepare for a new one this idea that I am good has settled on me and I’m proud of myself. 

I guess that is something I should get used to, being proud and having people in my life that point out and celebrate my accomplishments. 

To all of you single parents, I applaud you. You are rocking it, even if it doesn’t feel like it. 

selfishness

We are all selfish. Some more than others, but it is in our nature to care for our selves above others. I would love to believe I am a completely selfless being, who only thinks of others and their needs way before my own; but it simply isn’t true. That makes me sad sometimes.

I find my self on Pinterest, finding these beautiful quotes about selfless love that speak to my soul and I get excited about a life filled with that kind of purpose. To love others completely seems to me the pinnacle of life, and yet impossible to achieve.

I started on my road of selflessness when I first became a mother. There really is an unbelievable change in your perception of the world once you bring a child into it. It is amazing.

Before Child– all about me. My time. My money. My fun.

After Child– my time was her time, my money all went to care for her, my fun was making her happy.

This was a turning point for me, and I have tried to extend that viewpoint to all those that I have a relationship with.

Sometimes I get burned, which sucks.

Sometimes I feel like everyone should think like me, and get angry when they don’t. When in all actuality that is in and of itself pretty selfish. Damn catch 22, I guess.

When it comes to your kids at least, try to remember it is all about them. Not about you.

Every thought and life decision I make will greatly impact my girls and they are the deciding factor in many of my choices. That is how it should be, right?

My kid is cooler than your kid

I have three amazing daughters. AMAZING! let me tell you, they are beautiful, brilliant and well mannered.

Most of the time. Hahaha Right? We all know that is not reality. I do start to dread social media and the burden it puts on us parents to try and be perfect. Our perfect children and our perfect home and our perfect lives. That is not reality. Life is messy. Life is a struggle. There is divorce and disability and nasty attitudes and skeletons. We all have them. I have a love hate relationship with pinterest because of this very thing. As a single mom, it is even more burdensome. I can’t afford the crazy birthday party with the bounce houses and juggling mimes, or the amazing handmade decorations that took you hours. Ain’t nobody got time for that. And if you have time for that, maybe you should be volunteering at the food shelter instead. I will apologize to all my friends and family right now because some of you make amazing decorations and I do admire them. You know your heart and intentions, please don’t think I think you do it out of any thing but love. I do struggle with judging people who spend their time making them or their lives look perfect and amazing, when it could be spent making a difference. That is my problem. I am aware of it and often struggle with needing to let it go and love people for who they are, not who I think they should be.

I wish that we (me included) could just give each other a break and support and love our friends and neighbors, even in the midst of the ugly areas of life. We are all broken. The abused allows abuse because they do not believe they are worthy of love. The perfect family puts on a facade because they wake up everyday feeling like they do not measure up to their own (or others) expectations. Disappointment. loneliness. Fear. It amazes me what we will let define us. The lie begins to write our story. Jesus defines you, We all need reminding for sure.

I mean we beat ourselves up enough over being good enough. Lets just agree that your neighbor, he is doing the best he can with what he has and understands. Maybe you can help him be better? In a loving, non-condescending way? If not bug off!

Maybe we can be proud of our children for who they are. Amazing people, that you have molded. They are strong. They are brave. They are messy. They are yours.

This is where I stand with my parenting. I am not the best parent. I make mistakes. I am too firm when I shouldn’t be and too lax when I need more defined boundaries. The one thing I want my kids to know is that they are loved. PERIOD. Loved even if they choose to walk away from God. Loved if they never go to college. Loved if they break my heart and tell me they hate me. Loved if they refuse to speak to me for years because I stood up for something I believed was important.

I might not like their choices all the time, but i will always love them.

I will defend them when maybe they don’t deserve defending and I will comfort them when the very thing I warned them about wounds them and makes them sad.

I will go Mama bear on you if you hurt my girls. trust me. Even if they are at fault, especially if you approach me with an attitude.

We had a recent issue at my youngest daughters school that turned me into the nasty mama bear. I said some things I am not proud of, but I was pissed and they were threatening my daughter.

You see my youngest has ADHD, with a extra dash or two of H (which stands for hyperactivity). She is super smart ( I know we all say that, right?) but she really struggles with the hallmark traits of an ADHD’er. That girl can’t sit still to save her life and her mind is going a million miles a minute.

For those of you that don’t really understand (because you have perfect children, right?) people with ADHD struggle with impulsivity. They are impulsive. The definition, according to Merriam Webster online for impulsive is “doing things or tending to do things suddenly and without careful thought.” Yep, that is my daughter. 

That number 1 complaint from my daughters teachers is blurting. It pisses them off to no end. Every year without fail, “she won’t stop blurting out”, “she should know by now to raise her hand”, ” she interrupts others and blurts out frequently”.

As if I don’t know that, shoot I live with her! I tell them to remind her before asking questions, because she is impulsive. I ask them to consider that her brain does not allow her to pull up the memory of the rule. She needs reminders.

I will not get in to the whole situation, but I will say that I wish more educators studied ADHD (and other common disabilities) because what they know or don’t know can alter a child’s future. My daughter has a Mother who is a Special education teacher.  She is lucky. I was trained to know about her issues and trained to know the laws that protect her. Sadly, most general education teachers do not know ( and some don’t even care) about the struggles of students with ADHD. They need to know. It could save so many families from stress and unneeded trauma.

My daughter has ADHD, but she is not ADHD. That is where we can let things define us, when we should be defining ourselves, with the help of our family as guides. She is going to do so much better in her future because she has a mom that knows the system, that loves her despite her shortcomings and will defend her when she needs defending, and help her to learn how to manage a successful life despite her challenges.

I am curious. Anyone out there with ADHD that would like to chime in on their school experience?

Teachers? did you learn about ADHD in order to better serve a student?

I would love to hear back.

Frustration PSA

Divorce is hard. Divorce with children is devastating. Do the best you can to be the adult. Be gracious. Forgive. Really move on with your life, for everyone involved.

Above all, no matter what they say or do to tear you down. Trust me they will try, don’t reciprocate if at all possible. Remember your identity is in Christ, and Christ alone. You are better than that.

This has been a public service announcement.

Words

I love words. Yet they are one of the most dangerous weapons we have in our arsenal. We use them to tear people down. In the process we think we are building ourselves up, but the opposite actually happens. I have said some angry and hateful things to people that I do not like. On purpose,and as I learn to be more like christ I look back and realize just how badly I need a saviour. I do have regret, I do feel remorse and have asked for forgiveness in order to heal in my own soul.

There have been times when I have said hurtful things to those that I love too. Those are the worst because you immediately regret it and then try to remedy what can not be unspoken. You can say sorry, you can buy them things to make up for it, but it doesn’t change what has been said.

Children look up to their parents and expect them to love them unconditionally. Unfortunately we are human and we let them down. We call them lazy out of frustration when they haven’t cleaned their room after being told for days on end. I am guilty of this, but I do turn around and apologize; realizing the gravity of my words, and most importantly I vow to watch what I say. I ask God to help me edify my children. I beg him for the strength to be the parent that deserves to raise these wonderful children in my care. I humble myself and in the process learn to be a better parent.

There are some parents; really broken people who just know how to tear down. They tell their own children that they will disown them if there is another custody case. They tell them that they are a disgrace. Then there is no apology. There is no ownership of the lifetime of damage that has been caused by one little world. How are we supposed to love people like this? How are we supposed to show compassion and caring for those who so readily destroy the heart and self esteem of a child. Their own child? This is my prayer. God show me how to forgive this person. When really all I want is for God to bring down his vengeance like a flood. Annihilation seems like a better option than forgiveness and redemption in this moment. One thing I love about God is that he will walk me through this, it will be born out in tears and desperate prayers on my face before him, and I will have grown and become more christlike in the process.

Words can be glorious too.

God created words, he is the word and with words he created us.

That is beautiful.

According to Business Insider the most beautiful word in the English language is Mother.

Mother. Now why do you think that word was voted on more than any other?

As the author explains its choice, Mother is… “an unglamorous word, yet one that conveys comfort and the deepness of human relationships.”

Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/whats-the-most-beautiful-word-in-english-2014-3#ixzz36jtLDIwg

I am a Mother, and so as I ponder this as one of the most beautiful words in the english language; I feel honored. Yet it also shows the gravity of our job as parents. The importance of deep relationships and the impact we have on the world.

I am an encourager. I love to pray for people and encourage them in dark times. I love to use my words to build people up. One thing I have learned is that I actually get built up in the process. Sometimes the encouraging takes the form of trying to cancel out lies that have been spoken over other people as they struggle to find out why they are being unsuccessful, in life or relationships or connecting to God.

Telling your own children that no matter what people say to them they are wanted and loved and they are not a disgrace. That if they find their worth in God alone they will realize they will never be a disgrace.

Speak love to your children, because what is said to them, about them will take root and grow. Teach them the word, because in it they will find life and the truth to cancel out the many lies that will be spoken over them. Spoken in anger, spoken in fear, spoken in frustration, yet spoken to them just the same.

Like a broken plate can never be truly mended back to its original state. Once your words have created damage they can’t be undone.

In your mouth is the power to build up or destroy. Which do you chose?

 

 

Gratitude is hard work

Do you waltz through life in awe of the blessings you experience every minute? Most of us would say no. Life is hard. Life is messy. Life is hard work. I seem to crawl through life, getting bruised and scratched and sometimes looking up to see how far I have come. Like a solider in combat in the overgrown jungle, fighting for every step I take.
I do have these moments though. These glorious moments of peace, and beauty and blessing that fills my heart and makes me want to scream, “Thank you, God, for I am blessed.”. I have learned this year that you need to pursue these moments, to force yourself sometimes to look around you and be blessed. There are blessings all around us. everyday.
As a single mother with special needs children, and a special education teacher life is a challenge. God never said it wouldn’t be though. This I do take comfort in.
Yesterday was a challenging day for sure. Before I walked on campus I had a crisis to deal with regarding my children, at lunch time I had a crisis with one of my students and after school an hour longer confrontation with a colleague. Talk about an awkward department meeting, but really a typical day for me. I was stressed and spent by the time 3:30 rolled around. I was not seeing the blessings, that’s for sure.

Sometimes we have to force ourselves to realize how blessed we are, but boy can it be an attitude changer.
The biggest problem with walking in gratitude is that we are too busy walking to be grateful for anything. walking. driving. talking. thinking. doing dishes or laundry or running errands or working or…..we need to stop. It is imperative to the soul to take time and enjoy life, seek joy and see the blessings around you.

I am so blessed; I have a relationship with Jesus that is life changing, I have three beautiful girls who are amazing and we have a great relationship, I have a wonderful mom and siblings to share my happiness and heartaches with, I have a best friend who would do anything for me, I have a job that I truly love…the list could go on and on. Take stock of your blessings today. Take time to seek out the blessing around you.

Last night, after my rough day, my daughter and I went to the school carnival. At first it was a task, I was volunteering. One more thing on my list of to do’s. When I got there I was overwhelmed at the life I saw all around me. Smiling kids running everywhere. Proud parents grinning from ear to ear. The smell of delicious food wafting through the air. I truly enjoyed each interaction with the kids that came to my booth as we talked about nature, educating them on animal scat, or the types of Oak’s in the area. I was filled with joy when we gave away the prize to the little girl with excitement in her eyes. I was amazed at the tender heart of my youngest who literally gave away all her tickets to little kids as she won them, with no reservation. On the walk home I appreciated the swallows that were flying around, their angular W shapes and the quickness with which they flew around as if on a mission from God himself. As we rounded the corner to our street I was overwhelmed with the sweet smell of Jasmine. Which reminded me of our sweet Dog who has since passed. Yet, I did not feel sadness, but joy that she blessed our lives the way she did and the realization that a dog’s unwavering loyalty is exactly how I need to approach gratitude in my life. I need to be more loyal in my pursuit of gratitude, because it is really insulting to God and other people to be unthankful.

That is my mission, when I start to fail, maybe you can help remind me?

 

Psalm 118:24 “This is the day that the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”

The fake Christmas tree epidemic

I hate fake Christmas trees. This is something I feel very strongly about deep down and I wasn’t sure why until I started to really think about my reasons. I must say that many of my close friends and loved ones have fake trees, and I do not look down on them or think badly of them. But I must share with you all my thoughts on the fake Christmas tree epidemic.

The real magic of Christmas comes from sharing times with family and friends, blessing others and celebrating the birth of our savior, Jesus Christ. Our young ones develop their beliefs and traditions based on what we do and share with them. One of my fondest memories of the Christmas season is when we lived in Montana and we would go out into the forest to cut down our tree and bring it home to decorate. The brisk fresh air that smelled of dirt and pine, the cold red noses that trekked through the gorgeous white landscape looking for the perfect tree. The cussing and laughing that took place as my Dad tried to cut down our chosen Christmas tree (that took forever for us to find) and the thrown snowballs that we took to the back of the head as we waited, rather impatiently to head home with our prized tree.

Or you could just go to Home Depot and pick the biggest plastic thing you can find, ohhh make sure it has LED lights already installed and you are good to go for a few years or more. I am sure it is a huge time saver and eventually very cost effective.

Fake Christmas trees take away the magic from Christmas. They are the perfect example of how consumerism has taken over a beautiful cherished holiday, that is supposed to celebrate new life that defeats desolation and darkness to bless us. Apparently the history of the Christmas tree is up for some dispute, but is interesting nonetheless. Ancient Romans and other cultures brought evergreen boughs into their homes to remind them selves that winter would eventually be over and the promise of sun and new life would come.

A symbol that even in the darkest, bleakest night; there was a promise of a better tomorrow. Sounds like my Jesus and the hope I have in him when I am struggling through dark times. Leave it to us Christians to ruin things, because apparently the Christian missionaries took this as a horrible Pagan ritual that needed to be stopped. Don’t get me wrong, the Pagans did use the evergreen boughs as a tribute to their sun god, but as a Christian I know that God made everything and to him be all the glory. If someone is giving the glory to something else, educate them and move on. So the tradition went by the way side for awhile. Then some devout Christians in Germany decided to bring a tree into their home and place candles on a pyramid shelf to celebrate Christmas. It is thought that the protestant reformer, Martin Luther was the first to actually place the candles on the tree. There is a brilliant idea, huh?! Let’s put sticks of fire in the tree we have in our house.

The whole idea of bringing a tree inside is really bizarre. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. We will always have a real Christmas tree. Enjoy the smell of the outside brought indoors for a bit. Dedicate a day to the selection of the perfect tree, and the wonder of decorating and admiring the work of our hands; and God’s beauty. Create and maintain a feeling of tradition and wonder for my children, who need to be reminded that there is wonder and beauty still to be cherished and that there are still things in life that is constant and can be relied upon.

I do understand that their are exceptions to the rule. Some people are actually allergic to pine and can’t have a real tree in their home. To those of you I am deeply sorry, that really sucks. Other people might argue that the cutting down of so many trees is as environmentally unfriendly as those hideous fake trees that will eventually be put in the landfill. Well, the real trees will eventually decompose and there are so many tree farms growing all the Christmas trees that I am pretty sure any damage is reversed.

All I can say is I know I would not be blessed with a joyful face such as this if I had pulled the Christmas tree box from the rafters, instead of going on the search for that perfect tree.

Merry Christmas and God bless!