Sometimes we learn something that rocks us to our core. Those moments when what you knew or believed about your path in life, the trajectory that was as familiar as your baby blanket; warm comfortable and always there, was altered. Shifted in such a way that you end up second guessing all you understand about yourself or your circumstances.
My daughter has come to a crossroads, and whether she realizes it or not, the way she responds will make or break her success for the next few years. Scary to think about. I mean, if she refuses to embrace the new blessing she has been graced with she will eventually recover. Move on with her life and do well over the long haul. A few years lost to a legitimate upheaval of self. But as a parent we want more than just okay for our kids.
We want amazing. We want blessed. We want success, love and contentment overflowing and if we are honest with ourselves a big part of that is selfishness. If they do not become successful right out of the gate what does it say about us? We failed as parents. We lacked some skill to get them where they need to be. We expected too much, or not enough. Too much criticism or lack of guidance and expectations, and their failure is a reflection of our parenting. Ouch.
That is really scary. But, as usual, it’s not about us. Maybe we can take a hint from our father in heaven, as parents. Maybe we need to step back and let them have free will over their lives. Of course our children will blame us for any failure they may experience and they will rarely give us accolades for the greatness in them. Parenting is a thankless job, but still the best job in existence.
My daughters EEG and follow appointment with the pediatric neroulogist went very well. So well in fact, that we found she only suffers from one kind of seizure, previously we were told she had suffered from three kinds. So we are left with less to treat and so much more hope then the pieced together life she knew before we went to San Francisco.
But sometimes hope can feel like expectation, the kind that demands you show up and make up for lost time. That must be pretty overwhelming for a 17 year old girl who is already feeling the pressure to decide her future in 12 months time.
As her mom I need to find the balance between sitting in the quietness as the realization of a life changed settles in, and pushing her to be the best she can be.
Always on the tightrope, I live. Yet I have a Father there with me. I must rejoice in that and trust that he will tell me the right time to encourage and the right time to grieve. Because we are in the midst of both.