Today is going to be a day I will remember. The silly car ride conversations half heard while thinking about what can’t be controlled, the whispered prayers full of desperation that crawl out of your heart and into your mind, a way to try and grasp some meaning to it all.
We busy ourselves with minute details when we are overwhelmed. Like Martha, we try to make sure all the food is ready; or in my case the car is packed just right, triple check the documents needed are where they should be and double check the itinerary.
Two of my three girls are undergoing some serious medical procedures today.
If I don’t busy myself with dollars and details the weight of my emotions will overflow and if that happens they will not be contained. So I dam it up, cloud my mind with other things. Raw feelings are, well, raw.
As I write this my tears began to surface, yet how can I be there for my girls if I’m an emotional wreck. So I will cry for a few minutes, have intimate time with my father in heaven as I question why we must go through the things we have been burdened with and then, trust, as I always have, in Gods providence.
My oldest is having minor abdominal surgery today. Minor. Seems a little dismissive to me. Anytime a doctor plans on cutting into my child I wouldn’t consider it minor in my eyes.
At the same time my middle daughter is having an EEG and a follow up appointment with a pediatric neurologist to decide if she has been inaccurately diagnosed. The thoughts of what could be coming or what we have already struggled with fall on me like an avalanche, but I must refuse to let it consume me.
I cannot be in two places at once. God can. I cannot heal my children, but God can. This is where my heart must rest, and I’m so grateful for the people he has put in my life who support us through prayers, car rides and emotional support.
Thank you for your support. ❤️