Sorry I’ve been MIA recently, Life is busy. A good, joyful, blessed busy. This week though I am tying up some loose ends from my divorce and taking care of new issues that have cropped up. You would think that I would be done with all of that but divorce, when you have children, is a gift that keeps on giving.
It’s frustrating to be so trusting sometimes, because it seems this world is full of people who look to take advantage of others. Especially when that person is someone you spent 15 years of your life with; forgiving, trusting and learning patience to the tenth degree.
In the end divorce becomes a series of compromises, that tend to compromise our integrity. I did my best to be an honorable person through it all, but I failed on more than one occasion, which I am not proud of.
One of our verbal agreements way back a few years ago was not honored. This doesn’t surprise me as much as it just infuriates me, mostly because I should have seen it coming. He was never a man of his word, wether it be because his disability has caused his memory to be that of a toddler or if he is just a self serving jerk, only God knows.
Yet here I am combing through divorce papers to back up a claim I now need to pursue. Which leads me back to a painful time. A time where war was waged on people I once loved. A time when lies were uttered about me on a consistent basis as a way to protect a false persona. When the attacks on me seemed so superfluous I felt as if I was in a science fiction movie. I stood unwavering in the truth that I am Gods beloved and he is my Father. Trusting that he would prove my integrity and honesty, when no one else could.
Fast forward a few years as I come upon the anniversary of my divorce and here I stand, not victorious in the sense that I won. But victorious in the sense that God held me in the palm of his hand through it all. That my belief that only he defines me was challenged in that season and I held on to that truth like a bent branch of a tree in a wind storm.
Did I come out unscathed? No way, but I did learn to depend on Gods word daily and let everything else fall into place.
As I continue to move forward, I appreciate the lesson I learned in one of the most difficult seasons of my life. I am Gods beloved and he is my Abba Father.