Why is grace so elusive when you have been cheated on? When the one relationship you are supposed to trust and count on pulls the rug out from under you, how can you forgive and continue to trust (or attempt to) that person? I just don’t see it. I know that some people successfully overcome this hurdle, but I often wonder if it’s a facade.
I have always prided my self on grace, but in this area I have none. Not just in my own experience but in any scenario I have heard of, whether it be reality or in the movies. I am now realizing how primal my reaction is to this and I feel I must apologize to those who have been the perpetrators and feel shame. I have no clue what life you have led, nor any right to judge. I do wish I could be more understanding, I have come a long way in my own personal battle. I know my ex-husband was manipulated. He fell prey to his sinful desires and I’m sure he regrets it. The biggest issue for me is that there were so many detour signs put up that might have saved our marriage. But he was unwilling to follow those signs, try to step out of his comfort zone to seek help for his issues or be man enough to end our marriage before he started another relationship. His loss.
I just watched the movie, “The Intern”. I really loved it, until I hated it. Adultery is such a reprehensible thing to me, that I cannot feel happiness for those who have overcome it. I feel like there is no possible way to regain the precious intimacy from the loss of trust in that situation. That makes me sad, because deep down I know that with God all things are possible.
I do wonder if those who can recover from such a loss are at their core, broken in their ideas of what a true marriage partnership should look like. So much of our Christian marriage worldview is built on the idea of patriarchy.
Men are the head, women should be quiet.
Historically when women in biblical times were caught in adultery they were stoned to death. What about men?
We hear that men can’t control their sexual urges as an excuse for such bad behavior.
What about women’s sexual urges? It is spoken as if we have none that could equal a mans, and that is false.
It perpetuates a feeling of shame for women who have normal sexual desires, and adultery in women is viewed as more reprehensible than if it’s by a man. This can’t go on.
That movie was great in that it portrayed a young, strong successful woman overcoming obstacles and yet, her experience with adultery and the way in which she accepted adultery without much consequence did not sit well with me.
Ultimately, I know that every person has to make choices that fit best with their life and are the only ones that must live with the consequences. I know I made the right choice for me and I pray that I can believe that those who choose different are equally confident.