I am blessed to be called Mom, even in the rough days when we don’t see eye to eye. Or when you know their reactions that feel unkind are based on deep hurts. Hurts that you feel responsible for. Hurts that could have been prevented. We all make choices, sometimes we do it prayerfully; as we should, and other times we just do it.
I have made some amazing choices in my life, and some I’m not proud of but I don’t dwell on them because God has made me new in him. I’m not the same girl I once was; broken, afraid and confused about everything.
But even in this God centered life I’m trying to lead, one that tells me I am not my past. My past likes to taunt me. Throw memories in my face of my failures and faults. My wounds have healed, but my scars try to tell me a different story. I often have to scream out the truth to them, to me.
I am a child of God. I am his beloved. I am victorious. I am brave. I am.
As a role model to my amazing daughters I try to be as open and honest with them as possible. We have amazing relationships and they are the best part of me.
Yet I know I’m responsible for some of their brokenness, I’ve asked for forgiveness for the parts I’ve played in their hurts. For their skewed vision of what loving relationships look like.
We have conversations about not letting fear rule our lives and our decisions making abilities. We need to put fear in its place because fear is not from God.
Sometimes it creeps up on you. Whispers in your ear for weeks and you almost don’t notice, until it has poisoned your mind. But the best part is, we do have control. We can take every thought captive, and we must.
I’m thankful that my girls care about me, and although I don’t enjoy uncomfortable conversations in the thick of them I love that we can express our concerns to each other and get it worked out.
I love that they love me so much that they worry. I am blessed beyond measure to be part of this family I have, and even though things are changing, our relationships will stay strong yet flexible. God is healing us, we are in the palm of his hands and we are victorious over this life.