Life has its ebbs and flows for sure, for some of us we feel the gentle rocking like a rowboat that is tied at the edge of a peaceful lake. Mostly calm with a few gentle bumps here and there. Then there are others of us that feel as if we are battered by tsunami churned seas that threaten to take our very life with their violent and unpredictable appearance.
This has been me most of my life. I feel as if things settle and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I get rest, reprieve from the storm. Yet I find myself in the midst of chaos again pretty quickly. I used to tell myself that God gives his toughest battles to his best soldiers; or whatever cliche saying that can be found on Pinterest in those desperate moments I find my self wrestling with my thoughts and the lies that try to settle on me like flys on a warm summer day. As I ponder this though I am finding that more and more people are feeling beat down.
Because they too feel like there is no end in sight to their struggle. The difficulties of this life will prevail. But is that how the story ends?
Two years ago I went through a painful divorce. It was devastating in all areas of my life, but with Gods strength and my wonderful friends I prevailed and am a stronger ( and happier) person because of it. We had so many changes to deal with though, that all you could really do is take it one day at a time. It was too overwhelming otherwise. One day is all we should be dealing with, if anything I have learned that for sure. I was forced to, and it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I guess I wish I would learn things before they brought me to my knees. Yet on our knees is where have learned the most; about life, about patience, about blessings from the pain and so much more.
I now find myself struggling with things again; why I have been MIA recently on the blogosphere. New home, new car, new job; so much new and the challenges that go with those transitions feels overwhelming sometimes. They are blessings in and of themselves but the finances and adjustments to new things can be difficult for sure.
Yet, I’m so joyful even in the deep chasm of uncertainty in my life. The one area I felt I struggled with during my marriage or just a big chunk of my past life. Being joyful in the circumstances was supposed to be a mark of a good Christian, but it was a charade. A mask that I tried to put on, which is a lie and not a good representation of Christ to the world.
I’m blessed beyond measure even in the midst of this crazy life, and wanted you to know that you are too. I will no longer fake joy, but feel it. I will no longer aim to please everyone I’m in relationship with all the time, but I will aim to please my Heavenly Father instead.
Joy is a product of obedience to him I believe, and I know there are areas in my life that I am not being obedient. But he knows my heart and is guiding me like the loving father he is. That is my joy. He is my joy.