I have a confession to make.
I am not trusting Jesus in this walk of mine. I let people think I am, maybe so that I can convince myself that I am? Maybe because I don’t want them to ask the hard questions and make the tough observations that I don’t want to hear? Maybe just because I have had enough heartbreak to fill up a million lifetimes of brokenness and despair.
I don’t know exactly, but I do know this. I surrender.
I surrender my plans made by my frail, weak human hands to him, because if I have learned anything in this life of mine. When I do things on my own, it fails.
I surrender my insecurities and confusion, because ultimately I know he is my fortress and will guide me if I let him.
I surrender my preconceived ideas of what my life is supposed to look like, because I know his plans for my life are probably more grander and more beautiful than I could ever dream up on my own.
Am I scared of the outcome? Yes
But I am more scared to see the outcome of my life as written by me, instead of him.
A good friend of mine said something so simple to me that made a huge impact on my thoughts.
“you are way to special of a person to just settle, so stop trying to do that.”
She was right, and I will add to that; I am too blessed to act as if I am not.
This is what living in community looks like. Being called out. Knowing that people will challenge you, because they love you.
I am thanking God for that tonight, and repenting of my inability to release control of my life completely to Him.
I know My friends will hold me accountable. Amen. YES.