I have three amazing daughters. AMAZING! let me tell you, they are beautiful, brilliant and well mannered.
Most of the time. Hahaha Right? We all know that is not reality. I do start to dread social media and the burden it puts on us parents to try and be perfect. Our perfect children and our perfect home and our perfect lives. That is not reality. Life is messy. Life is a struggle. There is divorce and disability and nasty attitudes and skeletons. We all have them. I have a love hate relationship with pinterest because of this very thing. As a single mom, it is even more burdensome. I can’t afford the crazy birthday party with the bounce houses and juggling mimes, or the amazing handmade decorations that took you hours. Ain’t nobody got time for that. And if you have time for that, maybe you should be volunteering at the food shelter instead. I will apologize to all my friends and family right now because some of you make amazing decorations and I do admire them. You know your heart and intentions, please don’t think I think you do it out of any thing but love. I do struggle with judging people who spend their time making them or their lives look perfect and amazing, when it could be spent making a difference. That is my problem. I am aware of it and often struggle with needing to let it go and love people for who they are, not who I think they should be.
I wish that we (me included) could just give each other a break and support and love our friends and neighbors, even in the midst of the ugly areas of life. We are all broken. The abused allows abuse because they do not believe they are worthy of love. The perfect family puts on a facade because they wake up everyday feeling like they do not measure up to their own (or others) expectations. Disappointment. loneliness. Fear. It amazes me what we will let define us. The lie begins to write our story. Jesus defines you, We all need reminding for sure.
I mean we beat ourselves up enough over being good enough. Lets just agree that your neighbor, he is doing the best he can with what he has and understands. Maybe you can help him be better? In a loving, non-condescending way? If not bug off!
Maybe we can be proud of our children for who they are. Amazing people, that you have molded. They are strong. They are brave. They are messy. They are yours.
This is where I stand with my parenting. I am not the best parent. I make mistakes. I am too firm when I shouldn’t be and too lax when I need more defined boundaries. The one thing I want my kids to know is that they are loved. PERIOD. Loved even if they choose to walk away from God. Loved if they never go to college. Loved if they break my heart and tell me they hate me. Loved if they refuse to speak to me for years because I stood up for something I believed was important.
I might not like their choices all the time, but i will always love them.
I will defend them when maybe they don’t deserve defending and I will comfort them when the very thing I warned them about wounds them and makes them sad.
I will go Mama bear on you if you hurt my girls. trust me. Even if they are at fault, especially if you approach me with an attitude.
We had a recent issue at my youngest daughters school that turned me into the nasty mama bear. I said some things I am not proud of, but I was pissed and they were threatening my daughter.
You see my youngest has ADHD, with a extra dash or two of H (which stands for hyperactivity). She is super smart ( I know we all say that, right?) but she really struggles with the hallmark traits of an ADHD’er. That girl can’t sit still to save her life and her mind is going a million miles a minute.
For those of you that don’t really understand (because you have perfect children, right?) people with ADHD struggle with impulsivity. They are impulsive. The definition, according to Merriam Webster online for impulsive is “doing things or tending to do things suddenly and without careful thought.” Yep, that is my daughter.
That number 1 complaint from my daughters teachers is blurting. It pisses them off to no end. Every year without fail, “she won’t stop blurting out”, “she should know by now to raise her hand”, ” she interrupts others and blurts out frequently”.
As if I don’t know that, shoot I live with her! I tell them to remind her before asking questions, because she is impulsive. I ask them to consider that her brain does not allow her to pull up the memory of the rule. She needs reminders.
I will not get in to the whole situation, but I will say that I wish more educators studied ADHD (and other common disabilities) because what they know or don’t know can alter a child’s future. My daughter has a Mother who is a Special education teacher. She is lucky. I was trained to know about her issues and trained to know the laws that protect her. Sadly, most general education teachers do not know ( and some don’t even care) about the struggles of students with ADHD. They need to know. It could save so many families from stress and unneeded trauma.
My daughter has ADHD, but she is not ADHD. That is where we can let things define us, when we should be defining ourselves, with the help of our family as guides. She is going to do so much better in her future because she has a mom that knows the system, that loves her despite her shortcomings and will defend her when she needs defending, and help her to learn how to manage a successful life despite her challenges.
I am curious. Anyone out there with ADHD that would like to chime in on their school experience?
Teachers? did you learn about ADHD in order to better serve a student?
I would love to hear back.