Today was a day I tried to catch up with talking to family. I used to be really good at this, it was important to me. I was the sibling that made the effort to stay connected with everyone. I talked to my mom on a regular basis. Now I’m just too busy. My family is still important to me, but finding the time to actually have a conversation with them is hard. That and I think part of it is it makes me sad. Makes me realize the depths of my separation from those who love me unconditionally. Makes me realize how single, being a single mother can be. During the holidays it is even more apparent. I’m alone, no family. Just me and my girls. Today as I talked to various family members they tried to encourage me to move. Move to Washington. Move to Montana. Come closer to your family. It’s a tempting thought, I do miss being around them and I love both of those places. But what will that really solve?
I will feel less lonely. Maybe. But on the flip side I must realize that I’m in this place in life for a reason. Maybe to learn to love being alone, because ultimately no one can guarantee companionship forever. Maybe it’s to learn to look to Jesus when I feel as if I’m lacking something in life, because he is my everything. Maybe it’s just because I need to learn to be his hands and feet for those who are struggling with abandonment or loss of a loved one.
All I know is I must trust him in all that happens in my life. This is no different.
I’m lucky to have a wonderful church family that has taken me in and loved me. I never need to be alone, as long as I am a part of this place I call home. It’s just a different belonging then the one I have been so accustomed to, and I am learning to embrace it. I’m trying to thank God for his provision and my place in